everybody needs a friend
We meet them in sandboxes and cafeterias, youth groups and college dorm rooms, cubicles and church pews.
We grow them through scuffles and sustain them no matter the fight.
Some last for a season and some, a lifetime.
Some of us never had a real one.
We’ve been hurt and we’ve been carried; bruised and built up; angered and forgiven; lost then found.
We stumbled over the same blocks and then chose to keep bobbing and weaving along this road together.
Friends.
This study is an examination, a celebration, and an exhortation to us, to cultivate rich friendships as God intended. Let’s begin at the beginning.
friendship after the fall
As human beings made in the image of God—who Himself exists in Trinity as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—we reflect him as we seek out relationships with other image-bearers. However, what was once perfectly natural has been corrupted. Sin has perverted our relationships. We hurt each other, lie to each other, and compare ourselves to one other because of the destructive nature sin brings to every relationship.
Outside of Eden, we imperfect and sinful people now must cultivate friendships from the rocky soil of a fallen world. Thankfully, we believers have an added mission—the ministry of reconciliation—and an abundant super-power, the Holy Spirit, which we have been given through our bonds of fellowship in Christ. The Spirit empowers us to overcome our flesh, love our neighbors, and make the necessary sacrifices to sustain our deep friendships. God’s love for us is all about redemption and reconciliation—what a gift that the Father would send the Son to reconcile us back to himself, and that we would be gifted with the indwelling power and presence of the Holy Spirit! God’s love for us manifests itself in his presence. God is with us, and we are never alone. We reflect his imminence and care when we lovingly cultivate true friendship.
why does friendship matter?
Before he was arrested and sentenced to be crucified, Jesus said to his disciples, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no
one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you” (John 15:12–14). Believers are friends of Christ! It is for the sake of this friendship that Christ died. It is because of our belief in Christ that we follow his commandment to love one another.
Godly friendships declare the love of Christ. Friends remind us that we are not alone. Friendships help us along the journey of life. Friends encourage us when we are down. Friends help us when we labor. Friends wage war against the enemy alongside us—and when we’re at our weakest, they defend us.
Friends help us to keep going when the going gets rough.
Our friendships should matter deeply to us because they matter deeply to God.
Friendships have carried me at times in my life and yet other friendships have almost drowned me. Discovering who I am in Christ and than finding covenant friendship helped to break down the walls of trust and fear to the amazing transparency of true loving agape sisterhood. I know now that God divinely uses friendship to walk alongside of us as we grow in Him doing life with one another.
I have many friends who are believers and some who are not. I have come to realize just because someone is a believer, does not make them a good friend. I have a small group of good friends and like it that way .
Friendships have done both for me- they have held me up when I needed support and love during challenging times and reminded me what was important. They have led me down a dangerous road of not being the person I want to be and am. And I have had some friendships that I truly felt were the closest and would last the test of time only last for a season. I think those have hurt the most to be honest because I fully opened to these friendships and then to be closed out in a short amount of time. My walk in faith has been very bumpy and I don’t feel like I have found the friendships that foster and nurture that walk so I have been alone in my study. All of my friends are good people but they are not going to quote me scripture or mention God. I have gone to my Mom’s church with the Ladies group but they are all much older and don’t speak much to each other while watching the video or completing the study book- kind of an in and out type of setting- so I find myself looking for more- more Moms, more people closer to my age or middle aged.
Sometimes it is hard to let go or let a change happen in a friendship. It’s almost like a divorce. Eventually, I accept that it was a season. God puts new friends In your life in unexpected ways and He stretches us. One relationship wasn’t mended for 6 months. Mostly, friends have been there over and over for me through my spouse’s death and sickness. So thankful.
How do i buy the book?
For years I yearned for many deep relationships. I found that an abundance of "deep" friendships most likely will not happen, but having a few really deep relationships is so much more rewarding. I tend to give all of myself right off the bat, and God is teaching me to go slow, to tread lightly for the sake of the other person and myself. I have had several friendships that have broken my heart and many times I have felt like just throwing in the towel and never allowing myself to go deep with another person. I am learning that is not the answer, because I need people in my life, I need to go deep, to keep me growing and sane! I also realize that some relationships go different directions for various reasons, and I have to trust that God allows grace in those times.
I have had "friends" who have driven me to Christ because I don’t know what went wrong. Maybe I said the wrong thing or caught her on a bad day. Maybe she is insecure and so she pushes others away to see if anyone will pursue in response. I don’t know, but that season was a deep, bitter season of struggle to see God’s goodness.
But my "unlikely" friends are my "best" friends. Actually, they are God’s best for me in this season. They have stood beside me through seasons of trial. They have continued to pursue friendship even when I moved 2 hours or entire states away. They write letters and send lengthy texts. They pray for me and support me in deep, intimate ways. I value these friendships most.
They’ve helped me to learn forgiveness and kindness. My best friend Genesis has truly been there for me and had helped me to see God’s hand in the tough parts of life. She has encouraged me in my walk and made me stronger.
They’ve helped me to learn forgiveness and kindness. My best friend Genesis has truly been there for me and had helped me to see God’s hand in the tough parts of life. She has encouraged me in my walk and made me stronger in my faith.
i have issues with trust from broken relationships and friendships in the past. however, through struggle
and heartbreak, they have taught me that God is the only One who will never let me down. Lord, i pray that You take away any friendship that leads me away and not closer to You.
Amen.
My friendships have sustained me in hard times and have increased my joy in the good times. Having friends of faith is a blessing from the Lord! They are His gifts to me and I am grateful for all the wonderful Christian women He has placed in my life.