everybody needs a friend
We meet them in sandboxes and cafeterias, youth groups and college dorm rooms, cubicles and church pews.
We grow them through scuffles and sustain them no matter the fight.
Some last for a season and some, a lifetime.
Some of us never had a real one.
We’ve been hurt and we’ve been carried; bruised and built up; angered and forgiven; lost then found.
We stumbled over the same blocks and then chose to keep bobbing and weaving along this road together.
Friends.
This study is an examination, a celebration, and an exhortation to us, to cultivate rich friendships as God intended. Let’s begin at the beginning.
friendship after the fall
As human beings made in the image of God—who Himself exists in Trinity as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—we reflect him as we seek out relationships with other image-bearers. However, what was once perfectly natural has been corrupted. Sin has perverted our relationships. We hurt each other, lie to each other, and compare ourselves to one other because of the destructive nature sin brings to every relationship.
Outside of Eden, we imperfect and sinful people now must cultivate friendships from the rocky soil of a fallen world. Thankfully, we believers have an added mission—the ministry of reconciliation—and an abundant super-power, the Holy Spirit, which we have been given through our bonds of fellowship in Christ. The Spirit empowers us to overcome our flesh, love our neighbors, and make the necessary sacrifices to sustain our deep friendships. God’s love for us is all about redemption and reconciliation—what a gift that the Father would send the Son to reconcile us back to himself, and that we would be gifted with the indwelling power and presence of the Holy Spirit! God’s love for us manifests itself in his presence. God is with us, and we are never alone. We reflect his imminence and care when we lovingly cultivate true friendship.
why does friendship matter?
Before he was arrested and sentenced to be crucified, Jesus said to his disciples, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no
one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you” (John 15:12–14). Believers are friends of Christ! It is for the sake of this friendship that Christ died. It is because of our belief in Christ that we follow his commandment to love one another.
Godly friendships declare the love of Christ. Friends remind us that we are not alone. Friendships help us along the journey of life. Friends encourage us when we are down. Friends help us when we labor. Friends wage war against the enemy alongside us—and when we’re at our weakest, they defend us.
Friends help us to keep going when the going gets rough.
Our friendships should matter deeply to us because they matter deeply to God.
Sometimes it is hard to let go or let a change happen in a friendship. It’s almost like a divorce. Eventually, I accept that it was a season. God puts new friends In your life in unexpected ways and He stretches us. One relationship wasn’t mended for 6 months. Mostly, friends have been there over and over for me through my spouse’s death and sickness. So thankful.
Friendships have taught me so many lessons in love, forgiveness and connection. I am in a season where God is bringing me new friends, and they too share my faith and love of God and Jesus. God pruned many friends out of my life over the past ten years. A few friendships just faded out and a few were only for a season. God wanted me to look at my life and my values and I trusted Him in a season where I literally had no circle of girlfriends. Being in a new church has opened up so many opportunities to make new friends, I am excited about this!
I would say good friendships have been a blessing and are a gratitude I give to God. The bad friendships have also been a blessing in disguise as they taught me to look at the types of friends I wanted to have in my life and those I didn’t but also how to BE the kind of friend people would want.
What I notice is when I think back there seems to be a pattern to my thinking. When I am around a potential fiend or one I want to be. I am thinking and hurting that I am really not important to them and never will be. When did that all start?.In the fourth grade. I pray to God help me heal from this belief.
I have had friendships over the years and almost all of them have been through the church or church organizations that have mentored me and challenged me to grow in my faith and to step out into unknown territory. Which let me see what God could do if I moved out of my comfort zone. I thank God for those women, many of whom have gone on to be with the Lord. They were such a wonderful example for me of God’s faithfulness.
Friendships have impacted me in many ways both good and bad.
Melted my heart to love
Friends have presented different perspectives so I can "see" better
Friends have tested my maturity, grown me, taken me to my knees for their hurt or hard times, it feels good to have someone to listen to me, I feel seen and heard, Friends have lead me to learn and grown in knowledge of relationships, taught me how to friend better. Friends in the wrong places in my life have gotten me off track, taught me hard lessons of leaning on God not humans, grace because I can be a bad friend sometimes too.
Good friends have inadvertently pointed out my flaws and shown me where my faith and relationship with God is lacking. They never judge me outright, I just see how they carry themselves and want to strive to be more like them. Bad friends (too many to count) have left me feeling judged and disliked. As if I was only being used for a season. My friendships reflect my relationship with Christ, fine on the surface but I never truly let my guard down. As if at any moment I will be let go, left out or unnoticed.
Honest, I do not think I ever had a friend. Yes I have been hurt in the past. I feel that I am being judged before I open my mouth. So i hear others talk, and do not join.. this is why I am doing this i need freedom, I need friends. it hard when there is none.
Most of my friendships prior to God leading me were associates. I never let people in, I would rather have been alone than to get hurt. Now I search deep relationships, ones I can be hinest with and know they gonna love me for me and all my faults, and there are alot! I seek honest friends that tell me what I need to hear even if I dont want to hear it. I strive to let my self love them uncoditiinally and not get angry and walk away. Yes I still stumble. But God knows how.much I am trying and need and crave the love. I always denied I wanted to be love.
Friendship has impacted my relationship with God in so many ways. On a positive note, it’s encouraged me to continue to deepen my relationship with and seek Jesus. I have great friends who I can pray with and get sound advice from.