Have you ever been engaged in a deep conversation with a friend when things suddenly took a turn for the worse? Your friend, steeped in her frustration, started to lash out at you in such a sharp way that your heart sped up, your breathing became labored, and your brain couldn’t process quickly enough? It may have felt as if the other person didn’t have the capacity to hear you; her hurt created a barrier. In those moments, how did you respond? Did you leap to defend yourself? Did you sit in stunned silence?
Some of us have had friendship experiences where loving well and speaking truth felt like being tasked with gingerly, patiently replanting after watching someone rip up deep-rooted crops. As friends, we dread entering conversations like these—but they can bear good fruit.
One intentional conversation can redirect and revitalize a friendship. Intentional communication is necessary for unity and growth. Intentionality requires dedicated time, vulnerability, honesty, listening, and leading with love and care for the person. Without these elements, conversations can still occur, but they won’t intentional.
I am sitting here trying to think of a time this question asks about, but I am having a lot of difficulty coming up with the answer. I am not sure that intentional conversation has been a big part of my relationships; maybe I am scared of controversy?
I do remember speaking of some seriously important stuff with a college friend, and it didn’t exactly have the outcome I had planned. I was able to finally tell her how bad her words and actions with hurting me and she didn’t really respond they way I would have liked. I guess she didn’t really care about me with way I thought. Our relationship had become toxic and I tried many ways to resolve it, but she kept hurting me over and over again. In the end our relationship ended due to jealousy and I lost both her and her sister. I do miss them, but I don’t miss the bad times that started getting more frequent than the good.
This has changed me because I am take it very serious when a person starts to become controlling of me, my life, and my time. Also, when I notice a friend doesn’t seem happy for me and more jealous of me and my life, I know that we have a toxic thing brewing and that I need to do something about it before it consumes me and us.
Definitely most prominent was about a year and a half ago when a close friend’s sister passed away suddenly. She was broken and in despair. She is usually so upbeat and takes what life throws and gives it up to God. This time was different. So we started meeting once a month in person as she lived too far to meet more than that. We would meet for a meal or coffee. We would share about life and she would let some of her grief surface and be vulnerable with me. We cried together and laughed together. We both needed those times. It’s been a while since we met up, largely in part due to COVID. She is grieving in a different way now, as she is a hugger and could not do that for a long time. So I am anxious to see her again this weekend. Neither of us are big into conversation texting or talking for a long time on the phone. We need in person visits. We are going for a walk this weekend and I am so excited to see her. I pray for her and her family has been through SO much the past decade. They are a second family for me, and I need to hold onto that even though I have my own young growing family. Can’t wait to be more intentional.
I think I am thinking that this question has to do with arguing and coming together to a solution fair for both. But, it seems to be more than that? I can remember arguing with my mother back when I was a teen, and we would agree to disagree. But, more recently, last summer when my husband died, and I went to live with my son and daughter in law, she would sit with me, and listen to me cry and carry on about our loss. And, she was so patient, and understanding, and smart (because she works with the aging population and is educated about grieving and loss and counseling) and even though it was sometimes difficult to hear her in my grief, nevertheless her words reached me and I am so thankful that she took the time to be with me. I have moved on to my own apartment now, and other than the limitations of COVID, feel that I have successfully moved ahead. Of course God put me in this place, with Emily and all the rest, so that I could come through.
I had a situation with a loved one that lost her son and I avoided calling her and reaching out out of fear of not knowing what to say or that I would say the wrong things. We finally had to have dinner and discuss it. Listening to how it hurt her really forced me to grow to understand that sometimes we have to put ourselves out there and be willing to get hurt a bit to help the other person’s grief or healing.
YES! So many. Friends checking in on the things that tend to throw me off or lead me to temptation speaks volumes. They see my heart and soul. They give me space to talk about how I’m really doing.
my best friend and I had a falling out for a couple of years. She had children and responsibilities and I was drinking and going to bars alot. In 2020 I had a major emergency surgery, after then surgery I sent out messages to people to let them know that I was ok and what happened. I sent one to her. I told her what happened, where I was at and that I was fine. She and her husband came to see me in the hospital. we talked and I felt that I need to change my life,no more drinking, no more bars. God gave me a second chance at life when I could have died. I am so glad that God saved me
I am so glad,I have my best friend back in my life as well. she explained to me how I was acting before we stopped talking. I needed to grow up.