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Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

watch session three: the profile of a friend

yield the right of way

We’ve all been there—sitting in our cars in bumper-to-bumper traffic, thinking—maybe shouting—something colorful about every other motorist around us. Drivers speeding up, revving engines, gesturing, all so that they can be first, in front, and faster than everyone else. If someone casts us an angry look as he speeds past, don’t we feel the injustice in our bones? It wasn’t our fault we had to slam on the brakes! We all have the need to feel justified, but if how we feel and function in rush-hour traffic is how we maneuver through friendships, then we’ll miss one of the most vital characteristics we need to maintain these relationships for the long haul—humility.

only jesus can- and should- be first

In the verses immediately following our scripture reading for today, we learn that even though Jesus was royalty, he chose to become a commoner. He chose to become one of us. He “did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6–8). Think about that for a minute…Jesus didn’t consider equality with God something to be grasped. Where humility releases, arrogance grabs. Consider the contrast between Jesus and Satan. The first of angels, Satan craved equality with God so much that he grabbed for it, and God banished him for his attempted coup. Because of our pride, we went down with him, exiled to rebel territory, migrants trying to find a way home.

the foundation of friendship

Even though Jesus was the first of all creation, he released his rights for a time for the sake of our salvation—to the point of death. At times, humility in friendship will require small deaths—death to our wants, death to our need to be right, death to judgment. We will need to obey God by considering the interests of our friends if we want to follow in the footsteps of our Savior.

When we put our friends’ needs and wants ahead of our own, we pursue their hearts in the same way Jesus pursued ours. By acknowledging Jesus’ rightful place as first in our lives, we make room for our friends to be priorities in ours. Humility shows itself as servanthood. It looks like sitting quietly with a friend who is struggling with depression; lugging a sofa up a flight of apartment stairs with a friend who is going through a divorce; baking a birthday cake for a friend celebrating a milestone birthday; tucking a friend’s children into bed when we ache for our own. Also, when we stoop to help our friends pick up the pieces, or high-five them in their wins, we prime ourselves to notice when they do the same for us. Humility banishes arrogance the way God cast out Satan. They cannot coexist. And when we yield the right of way to our friends, we pave the way for friendships that go the distance.


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Daily Question

Think about Jesus’ earthly life of humility from the incarnation to the cross. Then consider ways in which you can show humility in your friendships this week. What would make that challenging? Pray for God to help you.

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Comments (10)

I can show humility to friends by asking about them more and seeing how their families are doing. I can also make more gestures to show I care….like a card or showing up for something important for them. Just by giving my time is a challenge since I have a newborn and a toddler. My newborn struggles with colic and so we struggle with sleep. Its so hard to find the time for ourselves let alone others. I have to put my family first and my self care, but I can also pray for more time to give to me friends.

Humility as servanthood is definitely a challenge for me. I tend to be last to volunteer to help, usually with excuses about timing or being busy with my job and kids. Which are priority, but at the same time I know I can do better for my friends and seeking out what that may look like. I don’t always know how I can serve or help someone, and as some shy as way from asking for help, I need to step up and ask how I can help. I have best friend who is moving into her family’s dream house this week. I physically cannot help with that, but somehow I still want to be involved without stepping on toes. I shall ask.
And I am meeting with a couple other friends over he next few week, for walks and park play dates— humility in taking a vested interest in their lives vs talking to much about other stuff.

Reaching out to one of my friends during this pandemic just to talk and mostly listen to all they may be going through or dealing with in their lives. Mostly just listen to allow them to vent without sharing my own issues.

Checking on my 92 year old friend, who lives alone, she was baking bread
She had been outside after we had a blizzard she had been shovelling snow off steps
She smiled and told me how she fell into the snow as she was shovelling
Called a friend in Victoria who had major surgeries 6 weeks ago visited with her for a long time as she has been housebound I-encouraged her by listening and asking questions about her health and her family Our son called very distraught he and his wife using their marriage as a battleground, I listened gave encouragement and understanding…….no shortage of people in my life to pray with and pray for
Jesus I thank you for these people, your love and blessed assurance
Jesus I lay these people at your feet, they are your loved ones, guide them
I please your blood over these families Amen

I can show humility by showing grace and understanding to a few if my co-workers. This is challenging because I don’t really agree with them and their work ethic.

Jesus had a lot to deal with. Truly, He went through humility. I can show humility to a friend or others by taking time out of my busy schedule. I enjoy reading and there are times I don’t want to put the book down. I realize, at times
someone may need my help with something. I have to put down the book and check in with a friend, and not to be
selfish. I’m going to make a call today, and work on building a friendship. It could be challenging, because it’s a start of something new. I’ll keep it in prayer.

Time is always a challenging factor when it comes to friendships foe me. I really feel like I am pulled in so many directions. But I can call someone and just be there to listen.

In my everyday life, I don’t get to see my closest friends, the ones I tend to think about when I’m reading through this study. However on a daily bases I am with my co-workers, our friendships are more surface level than my close friends, but to answer this question if showing humility in my friendships this week, I need to think about my co-workers. I want to hear any feedback I receive this week with humility. I want to meet their feedback with a mindset and heart posture of openness without defensiveness. It’s easy to justify my mistakes, or areas needing growth with “circumstantial evidence”. This is also true in marriages. So if best friend, and husband, comes to me this week with hurt, or unmet needs, I want to have a humble heart, seeking to grow rather than make excuses.

Dear lord, please give/help my heart and mind to humility. Give me guidance to share/ give humility with others. Help me see how I can. Gift humility into my friendships. in your name I pray. amen

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