everybody needs a friend
We meet them in sandboxes and cafeterias, youth groups and college dorm rooms, cubicles and church pews.
We grow them through scuffles and sustain them no matter the fight.
Some last for a season and some, a lifetime.
Some of us never had a real one.
We’ve been hurt and we’ve been carried; bruised and built up; angered and forgiven; lost then found.
We stumbled over the same blocks and then chose to keep bobbing and weaving along this road together.
Friends.
This study is an examination, a celebration, and an exhortation to us, to cultivate rich friendships as God intended. Let’s begin at the beginning.
friendship after the fall
As human beings made in the image of God—who Himself exists in Trinity as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—we reflect him as we seek out relationships with other image-bearers. However, what was once perfectly natural has been corrupted. Sin has perverted our relationships. We hurt each other, lie to each other, and compare ourselves to one other because of the destructive nature sin brings to every relationship.
Outside of Eden, we imperfect and sinful people now must cultivate friendships from the rocky soil of a fallen world. Thankfully, we believers have an added mission—the ministry of reconciliation—and an abundant super-power, the Holy Spirit, which we have been given through our bonds of fellowship in Christ. The Spirit empowers us to overcome our flesh, love our neighbors, and make the necessary sacrifices to sustain our deep friendships. God’s love for us is all about redemption and reconciliation—what a gift that the Father would send the Son to reconcile us back to himself, and that we would be gifted with the indwelling power and presence of the Holy Spirit! God’s love for us manifests itself in his presence. God is with us, and we are never alone. We reflect his imminence and care when we lovingly cultivate true friendship.
why does friendship matter?
Before he was arrested and sentenced to be crucified, Jesus said to his disciples, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no
one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you” (John 15:12–14). Believers are friends of Christ! It is for the sake of this friendship that Christ died. It is because of our belief in Christ that we follow his commandment to love one another.
Godly friendships declare the love of Christ. Friends remind us that we are not alone. Friendships help us along the journey of life. Friends encourage us when we are down. Friends help us when we labor. Friends wage war against the enemy alongside us—and when we’re at our weakest, they defend us.
Friends help us to keep going when the going gets rough.
Our friendships should matter deeply to us because they matter deeply to God.
I was also a people pleaser growing up. Having tons of “friends“ in all orders of life. I had my first true friend in my last year of high school and can still call her up and have her call me out on my silliness. Since that amazing friendship I have been blessed with many more friends with the same level of commitment and love. Distance doesn’t even seem to matter. I craved closeness and openness growing up and never really achieved it until almost adulthood and it’s amazing and terrifying. I love having women in my life who I can be myself around, and I love (and cringe) when they can call me out and encourage and draw me back to the Lord.
I love that the Lord created us to be in community. I seem to be learning what the encompasses more and more in the past 10 years. This first video had me grinning because it is so right!
Love being on of your friends!
God has been using friendships to show me more of Him my whole life, whether it’s been in good or in bad. I’ve been stretched, humbled, broken, lifted up, encouraged, layed bare and brought to a place of great thankfulness. He’s always blessed me with friends that have gone deep with me…. And not left things shallow… I’m so thankful.
Friendships have been a reflection of my journey through my faith. I’m not one to trust easily but continue to open my heart to others to help all that I can. As I have grown with others in friendship trust is the roots, being true to one another is the trunk, the branches are time, and all shared moments (good and bad) are the leaves.
I’m an open book and not very careful about sharing. This has burned me many times but longtime friends I have either love it about me or are the same in how they approach life.
I’ve also learned to be grateful and appreciative of all who come into my life. There is always a lesson to be learned if only I take the time to listen.
Most of my life I have never had a true stick by me friend. My mom is the closest thing I have to that. When I was 20 and met my now husband, I had two very close friends who were dating my husbands friends. We spent every Thursday at the bowling alley and weekends playing board games. It was the happiest memories of close friends I had ever had. We all got married within a year of each other. Then the other couples divorced and my girlfriends stopped inviting me to things because I was still married. They hung out together but did not invite me. This has grown my relationship with God because he’s all I had for so long. It’s left me struggling to find strong friendships. I feel alone.
Having a good Christian friend to talk to has helped me beyond words. I can call her when I am happy, mad, scared or sad and know that she will listen and pray with or for me and will rejoice with me and give good Christian council. She will not try to cause more drama or tell me what I want to hear, she will also keep what I say confidential. We developed this relationship doing Bible studies together years ago, and we even do them together now that we live 4+ hours apart. Our families are used to our hours long Sat morning phone calls to discuss our study and lives.
For me, a person who is used to being alone–an only child, too independent, deep friendships develop and change as God works within me. They force me to examine myself because I have to face the sin within in order to be able to give of myself to a friend and to let go so that I can accept friendship. It is putting me vulnerable to see what God sees in me.
Some of them have brought me closer to God & then some have pulled me away. In the years of being an adult I’ve gained great friendships and lost alot of them as well. Alot ending without a word, wondering why, what happened. And coming to terms with they were there for that season in life. I truly can say it’s hurt and I just go day by day with that hurt.
I would love a friend who loves God, loves what he is during in our life. A friend who we can sit & talk and understand eachother. I’ve come to terms at times that there is possibly something wrong with me, due to I lose friends so easily. Maybe it’s the world we live in and life is to busy. idk. I do know friendship is something I long for again. And someone who has kids like me and understands life is busy.
I have had a love-hate relationship with the word friendship. I think growing up, I had the wrong idea of what a friend could be and that resulted in feeling very alone and not being able to keep the friends that I had made. I love the idea of a friend but I feel like I put too much hope in that friendship and get let down. Not from any fault of that particular friend but from the expectations that I have. So I have learned in which ways my expectations are unrealistic and in which ways, I need to take care of myself and step back from a friendship. I don’t have many friends but those I do have encourage me in my walk with the Lord and in living my life.
Perhaps it’s not about the numbers of friends, but about the depth of the ones we have. For me, life is a blessing or a lesson—hopefully I take neither for granted. In the past I have had what I call A and B friends—ones I am really close to and bond with and others of whom I am just friendly. The amazing thing is how God has helped me nurture even some of the Relationships I least expected to be special. He is so good, isn’t he?
When I sought friends but had no standard for friendship I was actually pulled farther away from the Lord. I finally realized after a lot of painful relationships I was better off just socializing with my family than having friends who were toxic. That shift in mindset changed my entire life. I then met my husband, started seeking friends who had similar life goals and values. When I began setting my beliefs and values as the foundation in my friendships both my relationship with the Lord and with my friends grew stronger. The Lord guides me to be a good friend and my friends continue to guide me towards the Lord.
Looking back at my life, I’ve not always been a good friend, and I hurt some of those friendships. As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that those women whom I can share my faith with (like we can both openly talk about our Christian walk), those are the friendships that are starting to deepen and become more valuable to me. I honestly don’t have many friends, but have been praying that God will bring some close friends into my life and that He’ll help me to be a good friend to others as well.